We all love Disney Princesses, even you “manly men” over there. (Yeah, I know you all think Jasmine is hot.) Their stories are a little dated though. When was the last time your stepmother trapped you in the top of a castle? Yeah, exactly. So, instead of focusing my energy on exams, I wondered, “What would the Disney Princesses be like as VCU students?” and remastered five fairy tales.
1. Snow White
Poor Snow White, a commuter, was eating Schafer with her seven guy friends one day when she got food poisoning (Ironically, she didn’t eat the apple, which was locally grown and would’ve been better for her health). The boys bring her back to their suite, rather than let her go home sick. Falling asleep on their communal couch, the boys watch over and try to help Snow White, but they only can do so much. Later that night, the eighth roommate- the super attractive pre-med student- returns to the room. Knowing just what to do, he lets the other boys go about their business. He’s been enchanted with Snow White for a while now, so he strokes her face, wakes her up, and gives her a Gatoraide and yogurt. They cuddle up, watching movies the rest of the night, as he watches over her. The next morning, Snow White is feeling better, so the attractive boy takes her to Einstein’s (never again Schafer!) and walks her to car. They end up dating, happily ever after.
2. Sleeping Beauty
Aurora, a double major in music and environmental studies, thought herself as some kind of superhuman. Taking eighteen credits per semester for three semesters now, doing the homework to get said credits, and spending hours in the Music Center practicing and performing, Aurora was wiping herself out. In fact, before finals, her body was catching up to her, and she was sleeping through study sessions, passing out in the Music Center, waking up to grab a soy chai then going somewhere else to sleep. Aurora’s three roommates, Flora, Farah, and Mary West, were getting worried about her, so they brought her down to MCV to get checked out. (WebMD promised nothing good.) While the four girls waited for the test results in the clinic (well while Aurora napped and her roommates bit their nails off in nervousness), one of the cute medical interns stopped as he walked by. “Aurora?” he asked, and by the sound of his voice, her eyes opened up, “It’s Phillip!” Aurora, still a bit groggy but mostly smiling, stood up “Ohmigod!” and gave him a hug. The roommates all looked confused to each other, but Aurora mentioned that he was the son of her parents’ friends’, but they could see the attraction a mile away. “Well, Aurora, I was actually on my way to give you your test results. You’re going to be okay, you just need to change your life habits. Rest more, eat three meals a days, don’t take so many classes each semester, and just relax.” He smiled all cute, “in fact, if you want to get Jonah’s for lunch after this, I’m free?” The roommates urged her to go, saying they would meet up with her again later, so Aurora agreed, which after that she agreed to another date, and another, and happily ever after came soon. Aurora and Phillip live in their Fan apartment with pet birds.
3. The Little Mermaid
Ariel liked the real world, however, she always wanted to be an art major. She went to art showings, dabbled in art class, and pined for the day she would get a degree in Craft Designs- with a focus in glass blowing. So, you can imagine the joy when she found out she was accepted to VCUarts. She was happy as a clam, however there would be a price to pay- Ariel must surrender her friends, free time, and sanity to AFO- first year Arts Foundation. Disregarding this, she quickly accepted the offer. However, Ariel meet a beautiful boy, who is in the College of Humanities and Sciences, Eric. He has friends, free time and sanity, and wants to hang out, however, Ariel can barely grab lunch at Raising Cane’s without being pulled back into the School of the Arts. The dance between the two of them goes on until after Spring Break- when she notices Eric with another girl in the Commons one morning, who was so flirting with him! Ariel is mortified- and texts her roommate immediately. She replies quickly that not only does she know the girl, but she saw her cheating last week on their accounting exam and would turn in her after class that day. Back in the studio, Ariel could barely focus on her charcoal drawings until her roommates responds with the details- this wasn’t the first time the girl, Vanessa, was reported cheating, and she was on probation, and the Dean of the Business School was getting ready to kick her out. Ariel was relieved enough to blend the charcoal together, but still not content enough with Eric. Leaving the building at nine that night and starving, Eric texted her and asked to get some late night iHop and talk. Whatever, she thought, and met him. Over pancakes and orange juice, Eric reported about how his roommate set him up with a girl but he wasn’t too fond of her- especially since she was kicked out earlier that day. “Ariel, I know you’re busy with AFO, but school will be out soon for summer, and we both live in Fairfax, so why don’t we hang on until then? We can have all summer to us.” Needless to say, Ariel and Eric lived that summer happily ever after, like most VCU students did, in NOVA.
4. Beauty and the Beast
During her freshman year, Belle was always lost in Cabell library, bringing her venti coffee from Starbucks up with her to the fourth floor so she could read in peace, and not have to leave for more coffee. It didn’t take much convincing from her friends to change her Biochemistry major to English. Now as a senior, Belle works in the Writing Center as a tutor. She loves her job, mostly getting high stressed freshman working on their UNIV 111 papers, which makes her giggle under her breath and remember those days. But one day, the writing center coordinator pulled her over, “Belle, you’re the best tutor we have here, and one of the best English majors too. We need your help. And you would be paid double for this.” Like other college students, Belle was always in need for a few extra dollars to supplement her rent and Starbucks addiction, so she quickly took the job. “One of the men’s basketball players, Adam, is on academic probation, and if he can nail this next paper, he will be able to play in next week’s game against ODU.” The deal turned from sweet to sour. Belle, never a fan of sports, didn’t want to be an instrument just to let a team win a game, yet the money was just want she wanted- Black Swan books had a rare copy of Inferno she pined for, and this would be just enough to cover that and her bills. The next day, Adam came to the Writing Center with no laptop or paper. Disgusted, Belle asked him to come back next time prepared. He arrived the following day with a handwritten rough draft. She ignored his terrible script and tried to review the paper. Adam had a few good points in his paper on War and Peace, however he had lost everything else. He could be smart, she thought. A sucker for those who showed that kind of knowledge, Belle worked furiously with Adam in their 30 minutes, then wished him well. The next day when she came to work, Belle was more than surprised to see Adam already waiting for her, with another draft to review, and a venti Caramel Latte on her desk. She wanted to ignore the gesture- he’s just a loomf on the basketball team- but the Starbucks was a sweet gesture. As she picked up the typed up political science paper, he explained to her that he was going to need more help than just in English 215. Adam convinced Belle to cancel the rest of her appointments for the week, and she furiously worked through the rest of his papers. During their time together, he kept bringing her caramel lattes as a thank you, and she noticed his papers were quite intelligent, and he had pretty eyes. Three days later, Belle was surprised to get an email from a Shaka Smart saying Adam pulled up his grades immensely would be able to play against ODU, would she accept basketball tickets as a thanks? Belle had still not been to a game, so she said sure, whatever, who are you Mr. Smart, and went on with her day. She brought her friends Portia and Chip along, who were die-hard Rams fans. As they entered the Siegel Center, they were all shocked to be sitting court side! Portia and Chip explained everything to Belle as the game went on, but the only thing she could understand was that Adam wasn’t in the game. During the second half, ODU was up by ten points, and Shaka called in Adam from the bench. The game went on, skin and nails, but the Rams were able to tie the game up. In the last five seconds, Adam grabbed the ball, threw it in from the mid-court, and broke tie- VCU had won!! Even Belle stood up and cheered- she felt like it was partly her win. Before Shaka sent him to the back, Adam found her on the court side, and asked if she would be interested in some late night Galaxy Diner- his treat? Portia and Chip nodded, they would be fine on their own, and Belle smiled and said yes.
Cinderella was excited to become a member of Phi Mu, she had spent her whole life wanting to be in an sorority. But after rush, she wasn’t really feeling the sorority scene, and couldn’t afford to pay dues, so she left. Her one time sisters ignored in the Commons, and since she didn’t get along with her roommate she felt pretty alone. One day during psychology, she overheard the two girls in front of her talking about an Alpha Kappa Lambda party that weekend, and how anyone who’s anyone would be there. With really nothing much else to do, Cinderella decided to go. One of her floor mates let her borrow her blue dress, and Cinderella followed a couple of girls from Johnson to the party so she wouldn’t have to walk alone. When she got to the party, it was mostly a bunch of drunk frat boys and skimpily dressed girls, so she kinda stood off to the side and wall flowered. Cinderella made her way over to the drink table, and walked into one gorgeous boy with the Alpha Kappa Lambda letters across his chest. He introduced himself as Charles, vice president of the fraternity, an early education major in the School of Education’s five year teaching program. How weird it was for her to explain her plans to teach english, it seemed like fate. Charles asked her to go on the roof of the house, it had a great view of Richmond and they would be able to talk without fighting the sound of Panic! at the Disco. As Cinderella crossed the room to the stairs, she noticed her old sorority sisters giving her glares, but she rode it off- who needs them anyway? They went to the roof together and spent the whole night under the Richmond sky, talking, singing, being together. The next morning, Cinderella woke up cuddled up next to Charles. Wow, nothing can get better than this, she thought. Turning over, she saw her iPhone lying next to flash the time 11:14. 11:14!?! Cinderella was supposed to be meeting her father for brunch at Johnson at 11:30 and she was easily eight blocks from campus. Jumping up and running to the escape and down the stairs, Cinderella sprinted fast enough to just be at Johnson just when her father turned the corner. She didn’t even realize she left her iPhone on the roof until after brunch. The next day in psychology, as she was perusing BuzzFeed, Cinderella overheard the girls again. “Who was that blonde girl who went up to the roof with Charles Saturday night?” Cinderella smiled to herself, then something on Facebook caught her eye: a post on VCU Fun from Charles Prince “Found white iPhone 5 last Saturday at the AKL party. If this is yours please let me know”. Eyes widening in excitement, Cinderella quickly messaged him, then spent the rest of class waiting for a reply, then went to Cabell to wait some more. After a while, she was losing patience and laptop battery, and was getting hungry, so Cinderella decided to take a break and get Nao and Zen. While in between chopstick bites, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Charles, smiling, came from behind and took a seat next to her, “I believe this is yours” and handed her her phone. Like the other fairy tales, Cinderella and Charles Prince fell in love and became two happy teachers.
Good luck on your exams, good luck getting your princes (Or princesses, whatever way you roll), and may the odds be ever in your favor!