Here It Comes

I was minding my own business a few weeks ago when I suddenly got a few mid-life crisis text messages from Sean, who was done with exams thus ending his freshman year. I told him he was okay, probably because I was bitter I wouldn’t be done until days later. It wasn’t until when I was at work on the following Sunday that I realized that in between ringing up flower arrangements and wrist splints, I wasn’t cram studying astronomy notecards and dreading having readings to do when I got home. It’s early May and I was actually done with school. What is this world?!?!

I’m done. Not just with the semester, but with my first year of college. Bye-bye freshman year, I’m an old lady sophomore now who has to take upper level classes and can’t blow through without doing her readings anymore. Even though I have four-five years left, freshman year is where I made great friends, and felt accepted in ways I haven’t before. It flew by in the blink of an eye, and I’m actually a little scared to see the next few years go by even faster. Then do you know what’s going to happen? I’m going to be a for realz teacher with a certificate and a bunch of kids are going to call me “Miss Gerloff” and I can’t wake up at 10:00 on Wednesdays and bum it to my first class at 11:00.

I can’t handle the real world.

People always say college is the best years of your life, where you meet your friends for life. This school year has been awesome, and better than high school, and I have made some absolutely amazing friends, but hearing those things still scares me. How bad can the real world be?! cryatwork I know there’ll be more bills to pay, families to feed, and more necessary coffee, but won’t there be personal satisfaction? Finally using your degree, getting the job you wanted, having a family, and keeping in touch with your college friends? lifecomfortably

It’s actually quite frightening to think that college is where the rest of your life starts. They- whoever “they” are- have expectations for you- take classes, do internships, get a job, or get left behind. Do the closest possible thing to your major so you can have the most experience and hopefully they’ll hire you when you graduate.

I miss the days when two summer reading books were the big stressors of my life, but at the same time I don’t think I’ll go back. If there’s anything I’ve learned during my freshman year, it’s definitely not the Algerian War of Liberation or the three levels of analysis of international relations (because I’ve already forgotten those), it’s that I love to stay busy with my big girl things. Even though I am freaking out about my future as an aging college sophomore, it’s really satisfying to know that I have control of my life, and I’m the one making this all happen.

So here it comes, I suppose. The rest of my life is ahead of me, and it’s my job to make it worth something. 

“Do not go where a path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”


One thought on “Here It Comes

  1. There’s nothing like feeling you’re the one in control of your life. This year is the first that I’ve really done that. Even though I’ve been living out of home for nearly three years, this year was the first I organised my own insurance / taxes, found a doctor, WENT to the doctor (I hate doctors!) and have started buying domestic stuff (mattress protector anyone?). It’s a bit overwhelming, but the sense of personal satisfaction it gives is wonderful.
    Good luck to us!

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