I was perusing (does anyone else have a slight obsession with this word?) through Facebook the other day when I saw a video of two girls with their guitars and original song, and the caption read, “These girls nailed it- the struggles of being single!” and my face totally scrunched up- why does being single have to be looked down on?
It took me about a year to fully accept being single again after my high school boyfriend and I split, and that’s when I started noticing something strange. The more okay I was not having a boyfriend, the more it bothered people- “when are you getting a boyfriend?!” “we need to get you a boy!” “you need to date again!!”. Do you think I wake in the morning and cry because no boy texts me “good morning” or calls me pretty? Well honey I don’t need any of that (plus I already know how pretty I am) (I hope you know that was sarcasm). I’m single, and I’m perfectly happy about that- yeah maybe Sean and I have plotted ways to disturb the happy overly in love couples walking across the compass holding hands- but whatever. There’s a lot of good things about being single
- You can eat the whole pizza. And get all of your favorite toppings on it-no need to compromise your favorites or going halfzies. No “ew gross I don’t like pineapple on my pizza” because YAS PUT EXTRA PINEAPPLE ON ALL THE PIZZA and garlic and onions while you’re at it, I’m not kissing anyone tonight! (But maybe we shouldn’t yell that to the pizza guy over the phone)
- You don’t have to worry about another person—-listen to me here. There’s the family and friends you still gotta think about, but I’m talking about relationships here- all that time you spend with them, talking, texting, being with them- it does take a lot out of you, whether you want to admit it or not. Being single means you can set that significant other part of your brain free, and get some rest.
- And on that note, you really get to know yourself when you’re single. True story here: after my breakup, I had a lot of time on my hands, no clue what to do with it, so I went back to an old hobby of mine- sewing- and picked up a new one- jewelry making. Maybe I didn’t have good motives (trying to be a “cool artsy girl” so the ex would want to come back) but those soon disappeared when I fell deep into the stitching and threading in finding the creative outlets that I needed. Point here is that when we were together, I was focusing all of my time and energy into us that I forgot about the importance of doing something for me- and something that I had wanted to get back into for a long time.
- When you’re with someone, that’s it. If you’re anything like me, you have a one-track mind, so the switch for even looking at other guys turns off. But when you’re single, you can flirt with all the boys and no one’s gonna get cranky! So again, flirt with the bagger at the grocery store, in the line at Sugar Shack, and that really cute repeat customer. Who’s going to tell your significant other- oh that’s right, you don’t have one! So play it!
- Following that, being single is a time to experiment and go on dates with different people and see what kinda person you click with. Or go on really weird dates and have a good story to tell later (but that’s for another day).
- There’s no relationship drama! Seriously, this might be the best part. Every relationship goes through that period of heresy, he said/she said, you get the picture, god awful drama and feelings get hurt, and we like feelings being okay.
- We’re all young people here (even you, Sean). Are five year relationships necessary? If you’re in one, that’s great, that’s beautiful, props to you, but for the rest of us, don’t rush anything. Please, it’s okay to be single- we Millennials are still trying to figure everything out- one day we’re all about Sweet Frog and the next it’s Sugar Shack- so how are we expected to know who we are, or better yet, what we want in a relationship, if we can’t even figure out what kinda dessert we’re so into? We’re still growing up and constantly changing, so our wants and needs are changing as well- how are we to know what kinda partner we want?
- Being single helps you learn how to be “a strong, independent black woman who don’t need no man”. ‘Nuff said.
- More to be said: You learn how to take care of you, which is great for a thousand and seven reasons, but the most important one here is best said by the Dirty Heads, “If you can’t love yourself how can you love the next?”. Take care of you, because you’re grown-up, and a significant other is there to be with and for you, not be your babysitter.
- Maybe there’s a reason why you’re single- and not one of those creepy reasons like that you have twenty pet squirrels at home- something more along the normal lines that you’ve tried some dates and flirtations out but you haven’t found what you’re looking for. Props to you, don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.
- Being single means you can be overly obvious about your crush on the men’s soccer team without offending the other one who has your heart (food).
- The single life gives you time to scope out the market and look for someone rich.
- You learn how to be happy without having to hear someone tell you that you’re pretty everyday (among other cute things). This is a hard one to adjust from, but it really does do a lot for your confidence level when you have the epiphany that things like running and sewing can make you happy and smiling- not just holding hands.
I don’t want to condone anyone in a relationship, and I’m not saying that I never want one again- I’m just trying to say that in life, there’s a lot more than just boyfriends and girlfriends. It seems like society puts a big emphasis on your relationship status now, but really though, there are a lot more important things in life, like coffee, school, yoga, cookies, friendship, friendship cookies, whales, the rain forest, and music. And when my next relationship comes along, it will because I’m ready, he’s ready, and it’s meant to be, not because other people are ready, or because it’s what’s best.